A Hope on a Special fren?

What wrong with me? why i need to depend on someone so much? I got my own life, and of coz she got hers, she dont have bare the responsibility to accompany me all the time. I understand that but why i feel slightly cool from her, my mood will float? Sometimes i really wan be cold hearted, Sometimes i really wan to keep my distance with other in order to get used to the loneliness. What a useless being of me, so the test was true, my EQ was below average. I cant control my emotion, it just fly as it like. I guess the "she" did affected much, way too much, my whole personality already change, most of my fren can feel tat, maybe i trying to keep myself from getting hurt again, I closed my heart, all words from frens cant get into it. I keep telling myself to hold myself together, i tried every way to get myself back. Those ways is working but not for long, after awhile or smtg happened, i just will turn back to tat floating emotion self. Now i writing this, my emotion also floating, all my sentence are not organize. I just rushing to write all out from my heart, it is pain, pouring all to blog will help me feel better, but not for long, soon or later i will be back to tat so called emo self. I just dun like the feel, the pain was so clearly from heart spreading to other part of body, i guess some of you out there know what i talking abt. How can i face it? Am i wrong? why "she" wan to left this behind? Too many unanswered questions; why cant i live happily with my fren and family? why "she" need to appear in my mind my dream wherever i go?The empty space tat she leave behind, can someone replace it?I just relize, i holding my emotion back so much becoz i told myself cant be emo anymore, now release all out, i feel alot better. It is so unfair, why i have to get punish like tis? where have i did wrong? Sry frens, i guess i let u guys down again. well, i still wan to ask u all, no need to bare the negative emotion from me, even i know some of u will just do it, becoz of fren, but just let me be bar, i will let my emotion dance with the melody of songs i listening to. Duno when this will end, duno how many times more i have to fall down again.